Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat....

We've finally put up our Christmas decorations. The kids think it's great. They enjoy arranging the nativity scene and moving around the Christmas ornaments. It's fun to see what they do. Miriam is more interested in Santa this year. I found out that she's also a little scared of the whole thing. At the Wright family Christmas party, the cousins had Miriam crying about pinching elves and noises on the roof. So my singing Santa Claus is coming to town isn't helpful-- "You better watch out.....Santa Clause is coming to town." Maybe Santa is only magical for adults and older children.

Around the Bend

We were so excited to make it home. I cried when we crossed the border to Utah and I cried when we finally got to the familiar parts of Utah. Ah, home. There's nothing like it.

The border-cross was a bit disappointing for the kids. They don't quite have a sense of time and geography yet. After getting to Utah, we still had to drive to our actual house.

Ames

Next stop: Iowa. After visiting Sarah, we stopped off and stayed with my sister Jessie for a night. We weren't able to stay as long as we wanted, but that's kind of how long roadtrips go. We tried to get all the kids together for a picture, but they weren't quite as interested as we were.

The Cleve

On the way back to Utah we took a bit of a detour to visit my Sarah-friend in Cleveland, Ohio. It was so good to see her. It was nice to have a break from driving (we stayed two nights).

The kids loved sleeping in the finished attack space up-up-up stairs because it had a "Captain Hook" window. For those of you who don't know about these kinds of windows, you need to re-watch Peter Pan.

We had delicious food (s'mores and apple pie) and good talks. Thanks to the Smith's for a great time.

Last day in SC

We are home. Yeah! I am finally feeling a bit settled so I thought I'd finally post. I'm going to back track, so for those of you who are all caught up, you can ignore.

My mother-in-law came out (one last time) to help us with the move. It was a huge help. We took one last trip to the beach (Ben's first trip to the beach). It's sad that I had to be pregnant for most of our time in SC. It would have been nice to be able to enjoy it without the huge tummy. Ben did not enjoy the beach because it was very windy. He mostly stayed in his stroller.

Our actual moving day was kind of horrible. The truck we rented was too small and the next size up was unavailable, so we ended up breaking a few rules and pulling a U-haul trailer behind our Penske truck. We still had to leave our washer and dryer, entertainment center, and grill behind. My dad drove the truck to Utah for us and my in-laws drove our Subaru. Family's good like that.

A day at the beach

I'll miss this!

Baby Ben

We blessed our little Benjamin on Sunday. It was nice to have one last little family thing before moving back to Utah. I have appreciated the time and space we've had on our own (outside of Utah). While I've missed the family and all the gatherings, I feel like the distance has allowed Spencer and the kids and I to draw closer together. We've been able to explore who we are as a family. It's a good thing. It's also good to be moving back home. I want my little ones to have the experience of living near their extended family.

First Day of School

We did it! Miriam has just finished her first week of school. She is really enjoying her full, busy days and really likes her teacher. It's so fun to hear about her day. I can't believe she's a school-girl. I was strong and didn't cry in front of her. I did cry all the way home, though.

I'm back, and with news

So I've been a terrible blogger. I had a moment where I wasn't sure if I really wanted to blog. It wasn't quite what I thought it was going to be. I kind of had this Ender's Game idea of it, but oh well.

My news: I have a wonderful, brand new baby boy. He is actually three weeks old today. He was born July 26th (9 lbs. 20.5 inches) and we named him Benjamin Philip. I just can't stop kissing him. Miriam and Sam both seem to enjoy him. Sam has been a bit more kick-y lately, so maybe he doesn't enjoy Ben as much as he seems to enjoy him.

Miriam met her kindergarten teacher today. I had to hold down my sobs (not really an exaggeration) as we walked around the elementary school. I just don't understand how she grew up so fast. Has it really been five years? I still feel like I'm nineteen. Not that twenty-six is much older, but I don't know. I feel like the speed at which time passes has changed. The dad-to-day lasts and last, but the years just disappear. The space of a day dwarfs the length of a year. Anywho, Miriam told me that she wants to go to school but that she's afraid. I feel the same. I want her to go, I'm excited for all that she'll learn and experience, but I'm also very afraid. I don't know how I'll keep it together on Monday. It's probably not a good idea to cry in front of her. It might freak her out.

So the last bit of news is that we're planning to move back to Utah as soon as we sell this house. We had planned on staying her another few years, but, well, our plans changed. I'm pretty excited about the change. I can't wait to live closer to my family.

Playing House

I'm feeling so grown up this weekend. We went furniture shopping yesterday and we bought our first, real, big piece of furniture. You know, the kind that costs money! We bought a couch AND a love seat. So I guess I should have said pieces of furniture. Then, because I was so excited about that, we went and bought a rug too. yeah!!! The couches are a sage greenish color and the rug is a braided, nuetral orange (that's possible, right?) with green accents. "Green accents...." I'm decorating a home, our home. It's starting to get pretty fun.

I stayed up late painting Miriam's room last night. Staying up late is never good for me, but it was especially hard on me this time. Getting ready for church was hard and then Nursery was out-of-control hard. Fourteen of the sixteen kids showed up and I think they had all stayed up late the night before also. I was comforting and holding at least three kids throughout the entire time. I really do love the kids in nursery, even when it's crazy. It's nice to know that they will come to me for comfort.

Guess I'm Growin' Up

We have the key to our new house!!! I can't believe that we have a house. I'm not so excited about moving all my stuff over there, but I'm very excited about someday being in there. Any suggestions on how to make large objects disappear from one location and move to another without acutally having to move those objects would be very helpful.

I am looking at paint samples and such. I get to paint the house any color I want (within reason of course) because it's ours. Did I say that we have a house? Crazy! We'd love to hear some favorite paint colors. I'm so excited!!!

We had a fun Halloween! The only "treating" we did was at the ward Trunk-or-Treat, which provided more than enough candy to give us all stomach aches.

On Halloween we made delicious home-made doughnuts and had some friends over. The house was full and noisy and it smelled like fried doughnuts. It felt like home. We made about 120 doughnuts, that were all eaten. Yeah!

Just to say, it's been in the 70s this week. I love the weather here in the South so far.

We are enjoying our time here in South Carolina. Miriam and Sam love the frogs they find all over the yard and on our windows.
Karol and Lee came to visit Oct. 17th-Oct. 24th. We all took a trip to Charleston and saw Ft. Sumter. It was amazing. There was something very romantic about seeing and touching the crumbling walls of history. I kept picturing men running through the Forts, loading cannons and shouting. I wonder how loud it all was...cannons firing and walls crumbling.

ah...electricity

So we finally have power after a five day black-out. A tornado (or severe storm....we hear different accounts) caused lots of problems for us here in St. Louis. We enjoyed sleeping in a hot and humid, non-air conditioned place and when we finally couldn't stand it, we enjoyed barging in a friend's house to sleep. I was totally unprepared for a little disaster (didn't even have bottled water). I highly recommend buying a little vacuum thing that doesn't need power (you know, like they have at elementary schools and in the nursery).

We are definately moving to South Carolina so that we can be unprepared for a hurricane. I get my excitement where I can.

Whirling Words

Spencer and I are driving to South Carolina this weekend to check it out. We're planning to move there in August and thought a quick trip to find a place to live and to check out the new job would be good. The drive itself will not be such a party as we are driving all night to stay two days and then driving all night back.

I'm excited for this new adventure in my life. It will be fun for us to be in a new place and for Spencer to be following his dreams. Yeah for us!

There is such an odd connection between the famous and the regular. Those who are famous publicly show us such intimates sides of themselves. We see them cry and laugh and fall in love. We see them cheat and lie and hate. While they may only be acting out the characters in a story, there is something of them in each movie. When we seem them as their "regular" selves on a talk show, we can picture them with tears on their cheeks, with fire in their eyes, and with love on their lips. We can hear their voices as whispers, shouts, and in song.

We picture them in scenerios and with emotions that we have only seen with those to whom we are most intimately connected. So a bizarre sort of psuedo-relationship is formed. One in which the famous person can never fulfill. They can never be what someone watching them wants to be. They will always disappoint, disgust, anger, etc. While the regular person is constantly connecting with the famous, more so than with the people who are actually in their lives, the famous never really connect back. This can't be healthy for either sides. How did we get ourselves into this? More importantly, how do we get ourselves out of this?

Is "just for pretend" ever really real or are we always acting out some form of truth? How do we let truth in without letting fame, money, and glamour get in the way. Can there ever be a healthy relationship between the performer and the audience?

I feel like I have to be really angry to have something worth saying. As I read through other blogs, there is such anger and discontent. Everyone is really spittin', yellin', cursin' mad. It's funny how people use swear words. They feel that to express their anger adequately they have to throw in a "hell" or a "damn" or the dreaded "F" word. What does all this anger accomplish? Why does an artist have to be suffering?

It seems like the key to pop culture is to embrace darkness, anger, and hatred. Instead of reaching for enlightenment our artists and intellects are clouding the truth with gray relativity. They are turning from light and attempting to block others from the clarity it provides. The most bizarre part about this, is that they are being praised for this. For lying to us.

Languor

Ah, to do nothing. My kids are sleeping, which means I could get a lot accomplished. I could clean, do laundry, read, work on Miriam's quilt, get ready for sharing time......... I just want to do nothing. Maybe it's because of the humidity. This is my first experience with humidity. It feels so good on my dry skin. My body is just soaking in the moisture. Soaking in. Maybe that's why I just want to sit here. I want to soak in the day. Feel the warmth of the air, listen to the birds, and watch the green trees sway in the breeze. It feels so good to finally have Summer begin. This attempt at trying to do something--write-- when I don't really want to isn't working. I've just written fourteen sentences about nothing. Now fifteen. While it isn't good to be lazy and slothful, it can be good to just do nothing. It can be productive, can't it? To just relax and breath and enjoy a quiet moment. I'm going to say "yes" because right now, all is right with my world.

Stones and Bread

I love the trees in Zion's National Park. They jut outo f impossible places. Some grow right into the rock. It's as if they don't care that there is little soil. They suck any life from the rocks. They make me think of Miss Firecracker who could always "take it in the chin."
Life can thrive in the most unlikely of places. There is such greatness in someone who rises above horrible situations or hardships.
"Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?" (matt 7:9)
Some really are given stones when they needed bread, but somehow they defy all by finding nourishment from the stone . . . even if it's just from the warmth the stone absorbed from the sun.
How is this possible? Is it because they know to take the stone and then turn to the true source of nourishment?
". . . my Father giveth you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he which cometh down from heaven, and giveth life unto the world. Then said they unto him, Lord, evermore give us this bread. And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst." (John 6:32-35)

"Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me; and none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost." (D & C 50: 41-42)

Dedicated to Amber

I have read about blogs, but have never really read a blog. My dear Amber gave me the address to her blogspot and I was inspired to start my own. I am thankful for Amber because her example has inspired me to reach out. I'm thankful because it is only through reaching out that we can find ourselves. I sometimes feel a little lost. The mundane things in life tend to make me feel that I am mundane. I don't have to only see myself is that dishwasher, nose wiper, cooker, cleaner..... As I reach out to others I can realize that those are the things I do as I become something far greater: a mother, a lover, a giver, a hand-holder.... Thanks Amber and to all really true friends who are willing to hand over their vulnerable parts and hope that you will remember to love and that maybe you will share your vulnerable self in return.