I've noticed lately that I have this funny little issue with commitment. Now I say "funny little," so I can speak lightly about it. I think I've been pretty good at avoiding true commitment. You may laugh, because I have been and am very commited to my husband, children, and church. But sometimes I wonder, am I really putting my heart into this? If not, why not?
I've decided that I'm a bit of a people pleaser. In defense of myself, I really do love people. I want to get to know and love as many people as possible. I want to make people happy. The problem comes when my motive for pleasing is selfish. When I want to please in an effort to make someone like me. Which means, that my seemingly strong commitments can change in relation to the person I'm trying to please. Not always the case, but sometimes. Wow, not a lovely confession.
How can we learn to truly love others, just for the sake of loving? How can we truly have a generous spirit? I'm convinced that habit plays a far larger role in our life that we realize. Maybe the answer to most questions is practice. Practice loving someone while avoiding all thoughts of how your nice treatment of them will benefit you. If I think of it all as practice, it doesn't seem so daunting. I'm not going to read my scriptures everyday, I'm going to practice at a good reading habit. I'm not going to be charitable to all I meet, I'm going to practice at charity. I'll start with my kids. Good practice. Sorry little bunnies, but you provide the best practice for all good things in life. I have better faith, love, and charity because I have practiced on you. I have faith, Miriam, that someday you will remember to flush the toilet, I will lovingly remind you, and I will be charitable with your forgetfulness.
Practice means I'm alone, I'm not being judged, I progress at my own pace. It also implies that there will be some performance or test or day of reckoning, but sometime in the future. When I'm ready, after I've practiced. Or maybe not, it will come whether I've practice or not, so I better get started now or I'm going to have some scary moments in the future.
1 month ago
5 comments:
Yes, a creature of habit, that's me. I've also been working harder lately on changing myself in a attainable manner.
P.S. I didn't think this was negative at all. Quite the opposite.
First of all, Natalee forgets to flush the toilet too. Then one day after I'd asked and asked I discovered that the whooshing sound of the toilet scares her. So now I just flush it and try not to make a big deal of it.
Secondly, I agree with Jessie. This isn't negative. At least you are trying to change something about yourself that you think might be a flaw. Nothing wrong or negative about that.
Lastly, I sure hope you're not making a huge effort to try to please me. I already think you're pretty wonderful so no additional effort is necessary!
practice and pacing - SO TRUE - have you been reading my mind? - we must be riding similar waves. practice and pacing, practice and pacing.
:) Yes. I thought it was thoughtful and not negative. Isn't it funny how we all, in our own way, have to figure out the pace and practice thing. (I liked the pace and practice Sarah.)
I have to say, it is nice to have all my friends together in this way. A little party where my high school friends, my college friends, my neighborhood (and old neighborhood)friends, and my family friends can all be a part of the same conversation.
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